Troublemaking and Home-brewed Bioweapons

It's no surprise that it's a good idea to properly maintain any personal life support equipment you rely on, such as SCUBA gear. I'm religous about having my main gear (regulators and buoyancy compensator, or BC) overhauled once a year according to the manufacturer's recommendation. I'm also pretty good about taking care of my regulator, gauges, and dive computer after each dive. My BC gets hosed off and stored properly, though I might not be quite as thorough.

However, when it comes to my wetsuit, boots, gloves, hood, etc., I'm pretty bad. Generally I'll hang them up when I get back from a local dive but I've also been known to let them ferment in my dive bag for a day or so. Do you know what can grow in wet nylon-covered neoprene in the summer heat & humidity? Me neither, but by God it smells like hell. I had to toss my first pair of cheap booties because I couldn't stand being in the same car with them. Yes, they were that bad. The replacements were much more expensive, but they don't stink at all (Henderson Insta-Dry).

I dove at Medina Lake yesterday (Sunday) and dragged my gear bag to the back porch next to the washtub & water hose. And they are still there today, and the bioweapons are fermenting. . . .

Troublemaking - it's one of my specialties. Sometimes it's what makes life worth living.

I've been wanting to prank Mistress Amber in gratitude for the pain she's been so generous in sharing with me. Last weekend I put my plan in motion. I ordered a "support ribbon" similar to those ubiquitous "support our troops" ribbons that serve as insipid substitutes for providing REAL support to our troops.

However, the one I ordered encouraged tailgaters to "Support Lap Dancing." (For my sheltered and morally upstanding readers, lap dancing is what a topless dancer does for you one-on-one if you give her enough money.) Imagine the attention that a nice looking girl in a car bearing that ribbon would receive. I did, and I laughed my ass off.

Saturday was PERFECT for this plan. I worked out with her Sat morning, and she parked her car so she wouldn't see the back end when she got in it. Afterward, she was going to her boyfriend's place of business for a company cookout. I didn't really want her to attract the wrong kind of attention, so the sooner she got it off her car the better. I figured that her boyfriend or one of his friends/cow-orkers would spot the ribbon at the BBQ.

This morning I found out it worked EXACTLY as planned! She drove the 20 miles or so to the BBQ, and at some point her boyfriend's roommate spotted it. They thought it was hilarious and one of the guys took it and put it on his vehicle. She had no idea how long it had been on her car (that's why I was worried about her getting the wrong kind of attention). Perfect.

This morning she told me she thought it was either me or some contractors working in the garage that had done it. I was very, very disappointed that she would assume that anyone else might do such a thing. I work hard to maintain my reputation, and to have my work product attributed to construction workers was a real blow to my ego. I'll just have to work harder next time.

I already have a victim selected for the "Some Asshole Stole my Support Ribbon" magnet. The same one that had "For Sale - Driver Included" written in the dust on her rear window for a brief period.

Happy Birthday - Seven Years >-.